Summary: A shocking event will send some fans into therapy,some to open champagne and some to search for new story lines. Total crack. Written for smackalicious.
Rated: FR7
Categories: General > Humor
Genre: Humor
Warnings: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
"What have you done?" cries out Ziva as her eyes flit between Jimmy holding the smoking gun and the bullet hole riddled body surrounded by a pool of blood that is slowly spreading across the floor of Autopsy.
"Isn't it obvious?" Palmer rolls his eyes at her obtuseness. "I killed Tony."
"What I meant was why have you done this? Did he call you autopsy gremlin one time too many?"
"No and ya know I actually kinda liked the nickname. Made me feel part of the team."
"So then why did you do this?"
"I had to. I didn't have a choice. I couldn't take it any more Ziva. Things have been getting way out of hand. It's driving me and any sane fan crazy. The rumors, the speculation, the betting, the un-necessary abuse. It's been worse than listening to Dr Mallard's stories and at least I learn something from them."
"What are you talking about Jimmy?"
"The whole will they won't they speculation."
"Will or won't who what?"
Jimmy looks at his feet and blurts out "Will you and Tony sleep together or have you already done so?"
"Oh. I see."
Jimmy looks up and is surprized to find that she is smiling at him. "I couldn't handle the pressure any more and you know that whatever happened the ending would be an unhappy one."
"Why is that?"
"If it went ahead the Tiva fans would be unhappy because it could never be as perfect as they've dreamed or read fan fiction about it. Those who aren't Tiva fans would be upset that the show has gone down this route and put them together and the same for those who don't care about the pairing at all. They'd just be upset that there's been no attention on their fav ship."
"Ship?"
"Couple."
"Ah."
"I simply had to do something. I have Breena to support now and hopefully a family one day. The show needs to go on and with the possibility of Tiva it can't. Killing Tony was my only option."
Ziva continues to grin as Palmer expands on his theory. "Now there's endless storyline possibilities. You could end up with Gibbs or Vance or Ducky or Abby."
"Or I could go and break the news to Tim that Tony is dead and spend some time consoling and distracting him. Perhaps break in my new cotton sheets." She rushes from the room as Jimmy calls out to her.
"Are you saying McGiva's a possibility? I didn't even think of that."
"MCGIVA!" shouts Tony as he sits up and begins to wipe the blood from his eyes. "McGiva, Zombie Tony and no Tiva. I think we have a new hit show on our hands Jimmy. I must get upstairs and run this past the powers that be." He stands and starts to stagger from the room.
"You might want to hold off on that a minute."
"Why?"
"You have brain matter dripping from your nose."

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